


Lost but Found

by TheMightyScoot



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, Edgy Jean Kirstein, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probably will stay a wip, Sorry about killing Marco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-11-06 06:58:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17935031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightyScoot/pseuds/TheMightyScoot
Summary: Death is a horrible thing, but it is necessary for other life to flourish. Though it still doesn't help the fact you may grieve. Regardless, sometimes it opens a door into an entirely life changing event.





	1. The Cycle of Life and Death

Losing someone was hard. It always was. No matter what you do, it always gives a bittersweet feeling. I am no exception to those facts of life. Sure on occasion you do have time to allow the fact that someone you love may not be around in awhile, so you have time to grieve and let facts sink in. Though on other cases, the unexpected happens and you don’t even get to say goodbye.  
Sure with cancer and any other deathly disease or terminal illness, that is just a whole wackadoo of crazy and pain all around, I can understand that, but at least then you have time to accept some of the facts before perhaps the inevitable happens. Some of us don’t get that luxury, maybe this is just me being bitter at the fact that I never truly got to say goodbye to someone I cared about so very deeply.  
Let’s start with my name, I’m Jean Kirstein. I’m from a town in the state of Washington named Trost. Nothing really happens here. Sure we have a lacrosse team that’s kinda crappy and has only ever won a handful of trophies, I mean honestly, we relentlessly get pup-stomped by the teams from Seattle. Besides, who really plays lacrosse? Wouldn’t it make more sense to pick a sport like Football or Hockey that maybe we would have a chance at winning? Hell, even Soccer or like, Baseball…? Just before anyone says I’m being hypocritical, for a fact I am on this lacrosse team, I do enjoy the game but.. I think I’ve ranted my point. I also enjoy figure skating in winter seeing as we only run lacrosse in spring.  
Pretty average life, I live with my mom, I love her to bits. My online friends Sasha and Connie live down in Oregon, I’ve actually met up with them at a fair when passing through their home state. Besides them I don’t exactly have a lot of friends, almost none here in Trost, sure theres Annie, a short, aloof blonde with a sharp tongue when she wants. Then Bertolt, he’s quiet and lax, he pales in comparison to his second half, Reiner, Reiner- was well something to behold. He was decent guy, friendly but was a total power house and could be a bit dull on occasion.  
Both he and Bertolt are also on the lacrosse team with me and Marco. Last but not least, the reason why I’m a mess, Marco Bott. He was kind and funny, always bright and he wasn’t afraid to speak his opinions or tell me off when I was being bitter. That freckle face was probably the only person here I considered a true friend, hell he was my best friend. A little under four months ago, he was in an accident. He worked at a mill nearby. When Marco was helping load up one of the trucks, a log flipped over the top and caught majority of his left side. He was killed almost instantly.  
The death of a teenager in the community was enough to shake them down to the core. In small communities like this, it had quite the effect on them.  
After he died and all, they took his organs. That sounds creepy out of context but, he’d signed paperwork to collect his organs and donate them if he died or something. He had a way to look at the brighter side of things. Mrs. Bott sent out a message to those who received the organs. None of them responded. Maybe they were waiting to be partnered with someone? Mrs. Bott had told me that they somehow salvaged Marco’s heart, right lung, kidney and part of his liver. Other than that, it’d been crushed. Marco had been cremated after that.  
Mrs. Bott was a lovely woman, Marco got it from her. After the funeral, she’d got some of his ashes together and sent them to a lady in Canada who put them in beautiful bracelets and necklaces. She gave me one of the bracelets with his ashes in it. Mine is a forest green colour with the whitey-grey ashes spiralling the inside.  
After all of that I went back to school. Life has taken me up to this point so far but it doesn’t change the fact that I miss him. I’m not prone to show these kinda emotions to anyone. Hell, I haven’t even told Connie or Sasha. Marco had actually been acquainted to them. He also had some online friends down in Colorado as well. I’m not even sure if they knew.  
I slowly trudge my way to my locker, my phone gave a slight buzz, it was Reiner.  
**Reiner Braun 8:50 A.M**  
Where are you at?

_Walking to my locker, why?_

I think Bert might be finally talking to Annie

_Oh?_  
_Rlly? Finally after like 4 months?_

 

Yeah! I’m not actually sure tho.

 

_Wdym?_

He might chicken out or something. 

_Reiner you insist that he likes her, but do you know?_

 

Its pretty apparent dude. Like srsly

_True. I guess. I’ll come over, wya?_

South Hall Marley

It was a little apparent Bert might like Annie since he spends a lot of time with her. I don’t know if he actually confirmed it with Reiner or not. I was to preoccupied and frankly just don’t care about others love lives. Wasn’t up to me. None the less, I decide to head over before class, not like I do much anyways in my useless spare in first period. Putting my earbuds in “Atlantis” by Seafret came on. Not exactly my favourite song out there but whatever.  
I eventually saw Reiner and Bertolt who towered over majority of the people in the hall.  
“There he is!” Reiner greeted giving a smile and a pat to my back.  
I raised an eyebrow and smirked “So whats the verdict? I swear if I came over here for nothing, Braun.”  
Bert looked confused and looked at Reiner for an explanation, I snorted internally “What?”  
“Its about you and Annie dude!” Reiner said.  
“Erm what?”  
Reiner crossed his arms “Don’t play dumb, we’ve all seen the way you look at her! Honestly man!”  
Bertolt went red in the cheeks “Reiner, no its not like that! Annie’s just our friend! I don’t like her- I mean I like her- but not like that! I like her as a friend!”  
I immediately double over in laughter to the point I sound like a horse neighing. I have a hard time catching my breath sometimes, mild asthma, nothing severe.  
Annie walked over “What are you doing?”  
I start laughing even harder, Annie showing up almost made it worth being late.  
“But Bertolt, I thought?! Annie do you- Huh..?” Reiner looked equally confused as Annie.  
I spoke up through my wheezy laughter “Well he’s been stuck to these beliefs for over four months now. Hell I’m sure Marco even started to believe it!”  
The trio all looked at me with a kinda bizarre look. Their laughter half stopped. I didn’t realize what I’d said. It kinda hit me and I frowned and nodded.  
I continued to talked to break the sudden uncomfortable pause between us “I think this was one hell of a comedic misunderstanding. I gotta get to my class. Maybe I can get another hour and a half of sleep.”  
Reiner nodded and rubbed his head awkwardly “Alright. Cya Jean…”  
As I walk away I hear him apologize to Bertolt, and Bert shouting out a frustrated noise and Annie smacking him. I chuckle to myself and adjust the bracelet and watch on my wrist.  
Turning in my late slip, I trudged to my favourite spot next to a window towards the front. Resting my head on the table I began to doze off. My phone pinged again about twenty minutes later. I groan before looking at my lock screen.

 **Connius Springerus 9:28 A.M**  
Sup?

_Nm hbu? Aren’t you at school?_

Nah, Sash and I are skipping.

_Wowee. What rebels._  
_Thats sarcasm btw_

Figured.  
Anyways  
Have you made up your mind on if you’re coming or not?

_Not yet dude._

Seriously its been over a month! Its almost winter break!

_Ik. I’m just not sure._  
_Not sure mother of mine wants me driving in winter conditions_

Then get Marco to drive you. Y’all must have your licenses now.

I frown at my phone screen. I hadn’t told them or even brought up Marco. They’d ask and I’d ignore them and brush it off. I kinda felt bad but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to even tell them. I mean I have no issue bringing up Marco in conversation, but I guess through text it wasn’t really the same. Maybe I’m just weak, Marco always said I was brave and a good leader, but I’m a coward. Just how I feel about myself I suppose.  
“Mr. Kirstein, put your phone away,” the teacher at the front said looking up.  
I looked down again. I begrudgingly slip my phone into my pocket. I feel it buzz again but ignore it. Finally I begin to doze off. The loud blaring sound of the school bell startled me awake. Looking around in a hazy ball of confusion, blinking a couple times I realized it was time to go. Staggering to my still asleep legs, I trudged out of class empty handed. My hair was slightly pushed up on one side of my head.  
My first legitimate class that counted for something was physics. Picking my binder from the bottom of my locker. I reached up and grabbed my pencil case. My movements were almost robotic now. I did the exact same thing every single day, in the same order, never putting any effort into breaking that cycle. The only reason why I began to notice was because Bertolt pointed it out one day. Usually I would’ve ended up screwing around in the hallway with them and Marco. Now I don’t really see a point to it anymore and just head to class seeing as there isn’t much to do. Bertolt is also in Physics with me. He now sits next to me, he’s actually a funny guy when he does speak up. Outside of this class, I don’t get occasion to speak to him without Reiner or Annie around.  
Seeing him I send him a low wave, the binder was pressed to my chest as I shimmied past other kids. Taking my seat I realized I still had a few minutes to unpack and such. Remembering about my text messages from earlier, I pulled out my phone.

**Connius Springerus 9:39 A.M**

Earth to Jean.  
Helloooo??  
Must be cramming your brain. You do that while Sash and I eat pizza.

I give a small chuckle. Connie sure was something. I wish I had some of those luxuries of skipping school. I always could, but I would get a wailing from mom, besides I didn’t have good reason to. I flip through my list of contact numbers. There were only a handful of friends on here, most were just family members. As I mentioned earlier my life was vicious cycle of repetition. Bertolt bumped into my side, out of curiosity I looked back at him. He was staring at his own phone.  
“Shut up Reiner…” Bert groaned and muttered something else under his breath.  
“You get that whole thing sorted out?”  
He glared at me “Yeah.”  
The bell rung. Our teacher never came in. Running late I see. Some kids in the front of the room began to tap their pens and walk around. On most days like this our class would end up self-governing. Usually this teacher in particular was almost never late. He was quite punctual. Mr. Zeke was always here before any of us, oh well.  
I looked around the physics room. Some other students were standing up and leaving class. Others just twiddled their thumbs agitatedly. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. Soon enough the PA came on.  
“Physics in room 146 please head to Hall 2. Jean Kirstein to the office please,” the bland voiced woman announced.  
She clearly loved being here as much as the rest of us. Everyone else stood up and we all proceeded to leave. I stroll down to the office, our school was small but large if that made any sense. For sure it wasn’t anything like a city but we did have quite a number of students attending our classes and such. It was interesting to see that people would come here far from home just to come to school and graduate here. Kinda dumb in my opinion but whatever floats your academic boat.  
I slip up to the front desk “Yello’ anyone around?”  
A short plump woman stood up and walked out from her dark office corner “Ah yes. Your mom just called and told us to inform you that she is headed to a medical practitioners conference in Seattle. You are to head to the Bott household for dinner tonight.”


	2. Finishing Out the School Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple misunderstanding causes more issues than what its worth

“Alright….” I hadn’t talked to any of the Bott family in literal months. I avoided it as much as possible to be fair. 

Trudging back to class, I looked around after I left the office. That chat was barely three minutes in duration. Slowly padding along the tile floor, I looked at the nearly bare trophy cases. Nearby was a little tribute with a picture of Marco. Part of me hated seeing it there. Things like that (in my opinion) shouldn’t be glamourized or drug out. Sure you can still love them after their dead and you want them to be remembered, but, like, it doesn’t need to be in the hallway and leave him to kids who never knew him. Losing someone was completely different than pitying those who did and feeling sorry for them when you, deep down, know you don’t actually feel that way. You don’t feel sad and just happy it wasn’t you.

The rest of the day kept on going. I met up with my crew at lunch. Setting my tray down I sat next to Annie, she said nothing and sent a quick glare over to me. Woman of few words but always got a point across, and at the very least acknowledged you if you were worth listening to. Suppose thats good sign that she looks my way. 

Bertl angrily sat down and Reiner trailed after him “Bertl, I already said I was sorry! Annie even forgave me dude!”

“Thats not the point Reiner! Just drop it! If you just don’t bring it up I have no reason to be mad block head!” Bertl hissed clearly agitated.

I’m pretty sure Bertolt broke his words spoken daily limit. For some reason he was peeved at that seemingly meaningless misunderstanding. Why? Bertolt didn’t get over the top angry unless he had a reason to be genuinely upset. Something was obviously bothering him. Was he truly offended by Reiner’s accusation, was it something I said earlier? Looking back I had mentioned Marco, so maybe that set him off.

Annie scoffed from under her hood she looked up “Why are you still upset about earlier? It’s pointless and petty.”

Bertolt narrowed his eyes “You realize you aren’t anywhere similar to where I am, are you? You wouldn’t understand, none of you would, well besides maybe- not my point. The thing is you wouldn’t understand and you don’t know a thing about how I feel!”

I take a slow bite from my crappy Mac n’ cheese on my tray. After Bertolt’s slightly confusing declaration, Reiner just went silent. Annie didn’t seem as bothered as Reiner was. Oh well, their drama, not mine whatever was going on, I don’t wanna get mixed up in that. One of them was probably going to get hurt, cause someone always did and then the whole thing could ride out like a Soap Opera or Teen Drama. By the looks of things, it was on that path. 

Fake humans, fake personalities, doing it for the sensation of causing issues where there didn’t need to be. No, no I’m not necessarily talking about those three in particular, but a population of people as a whole. The worlds many petty issues would be so much easier if people just said what was ailing them rather than beating around the bush, or in this case, being oh so secretive and overly sensitive. Hell, even simple miscommunications shouldn’t be this difficult to sort out. Guy assumes, gets proved wrong, apologies sent on their merry way, water under the bridge. Simple as that.

These guys would figure something out eventually. I look around the hall again, across the room there was Mina, Marco’s ex. They’d had a mutual break up, wasn’t anything bad. You want to know why? They solved their issues like regular functioning human beings. All by talking through it, as far as I know she holds not resentment towards him, not that she could. She sat with Krista and Ymir, they are in the same year I am. Not particularly paying attention to her, Annie stood up with her tray and walked away without saying anything, as per usual. 

Bertolt did the same like he was following her lead. Doesn’t surprise me. I just want today to be over. That left me and Reiner alone at the table.

“Seriously. What did I say so wrong?” he asked me resting his chin on his knuckles. 

I simply shrug “Dunno. Not sure myself. I don’t think I’ve heard him say that much ever. Must be pretty pissed.”

Reiner finally started to account for Bertolt’s odd behaviour. For a minute it seemed like he was trying to deduct something, then that all stopped because he obviously lost train of thought. 

Reiner shrugged “Damn… I’m sure it’ll all be fine in a couple days. Bertl never stays mad long and doesn’t hold a grudge. I just don’t know, I wish he’d tell me what I did so wrong.”

“He seemed fine back in physics…” I respond blandly, taking another forkful.

Reiner shook his head “Oh well. What’s up with you? I heard you were called to the office.”

“Mom just went out of town for awhile and I’m going to the Bott’s tonight.”

“Oh? Seems like you haven’t been there in a long long time. You used to live there man,” Reiner smiled.

“Yeah. Anyways, I’ll see you later,” I say standing to return my tray.

Reiner sent a low wave “Shoot me a text when you get there.”

“God when did you turn into my mom?”

“Ah ha very funny. I’m like your young cool-hipster mom,” he teased, rolling his eyes.

“Not a chance buddy. I’ll text you later, yeah,” with that all I went and dumped off my plate.

Boring as hell classes. Blah, Blah, Blah. After lunch I only had two classes. Let’s not worry about those. The final bell for the day rang. Wandering out of class I aimlessly dropped my stuff into the bottom of my lock and shut it. I see Reiner, Bertolt and Annie walking together, slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I decide to head over and join them. The gravel crunched under our feet as we walked down the crappy dirt path to the bridge where we all usually part ways. Annie shoved her hands in her pockets and did her usual silent saunter down the street. Bertolt and Reiner walked next to each other but even from here, you could sense tension. Nothing I could do here, yes poke at my defeatist attitude, but it was partially true, those guys are childhood friends, they would solve it quicker without me interfering. 

Picking up the pace I began to jog off on my own. My hands are completely numb from the cold December air. I could see my breath. My feet lead me to the doorstep of the Bott household. I’ve been here so many times it was a heart twisting experience. I ring the doorbell, the thunking of footsteps and then the door opened. Marco’s brother Niko popped out with a wide toothy smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short since it was pre written and I want to get ahead with writing so I have back up content for later so this is a bit shorter. Just boy drama for now between Reiner and Bertl. Still figuring out all of the controls but hopefully this is decent enough.


	3. Welcome To The Botts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the old stomping ground.

“Mo-om Jean’s here!” he called, he looked identical to Marco despite being almost nine years younger.

Mrs. Bott called from inside the house “Bring him in! He’ll get frostbite out there!”

I step into the house. The smell of fresh baking and laundry detergent. It was all so familiar. I slowly drop my bag by the door and slip off my boots. Playing with the strings on my hoodie I follow Niko into the kitchen where I’m greeted by the smiling face of Mrs. Bott. 

“Hello Jean!” she greeted me with a hug “its been ages since we’ve had you over.” 

She always thought of me as her “adopted” son, and she was like my second mom. The Bott family were most definitely part of my family seeing as I only have mom, Connie and Sash.  
I hugged her back “I know. It’s been too long.”

Niko came thundering into the kitchen “Mom can I show Jean my beetle collection?!”

She gave a small laugh “Yes dear. I’ll call you down for dinner in awhile,” Mrs. Bott mouthed a “thank you.”

I followed Niko upstairs. The young boy was sure lively. God he looked so much like his big brother it hurt. For some reason I never mused upon the fact this child lost his big brother and probably didn’t really have a grasp on the whole situation. 

“Jean look at this one!” Niko stood on his toes to pull down a small tank. Inside there was a beetle with serrated antennas. Looking at it kinda made my skin crawl. Though, it seemed to be hibernating for the winter, thank the lord for that one.

I put on a small smile “That’s great! It looks happy… sleeping.” 

Niko then reached up to put it back on the shelf, he struggled so I grabbed the container and set it up on his shelf for him. I took another look around his room. It’d defiantly changed, some of the stuff in here was dusty obviously unused, let alone touched. There were some boardgames that Marco and I would play with Niko. The thought made me smile, this was actually not as bad as I thought it’d be. Honestly it kinda helped improve my spirits. Cynical thinking after so long got kinda old and boring, time for a change I guess. 

I looked down at Niko who bounced on his bed “How about we..” I look back to the shelf with boardgames “How about we play a board game?”

Niko’s eyes lit up and he began to nod “Yea!”

I make my way over to the dusty shelf. My eyes scan the different games I can remember playing with Marco and some other kids who went their separate ways. For Trost being the size it was, it didn’t surprise me that people came and went often. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder where they are now.

Anyways, those thoughts were off topic. Not many of these games were great to play with only two people. Maybe checkers or something simple like that? I mean it’s not like we could play chess seeing as I don’t know how. Reaching up I grab the old cardboard box, it had clearly seen its many victories and losses. 

When I rub my hand across the top, a thick layer of dust coated my palm. I sit down and cross my legs as I begin to dump out the small boxes contents. Niko hopped down to help unpack the game. He picked the red chips leaving me with black. Not that I minded, the kid had said red was his lucky colour. Piece by piece we began to set up our “soldiers.” Out of common curtesy I let Niko move first. He set his chip diagonally. The game went back and forth, I was little easy on him to be fair. Though I had to admit he was good at strategy and did exceptionally well.

“Jean?” Niko asked quietly. 

I look up from making my move “Yeah buddy?” 

Niko shifted and looked back down to the board and move his red chip, seizing one of my own in the process “Do you ever miss Marco?” 

“All of the time,” I paused, he was only eight and he’d lost his brother. He was a trooper to say the very least. I feel for the kid, I really do.

Niko frowned but didn’t look upset by my answer. It was quiet but we continued to play. Eventually all of my black chips had been wiped off the board. Niko let out a toothy smile. Must’ve felt good to win against me. Either that or he was trying to lighten the mood. Kids are more perceptive than they have any right to be. 

“You two! Dinner!” bellowed Mrs. Bott from downstairs.

Niko took no time and rushed downstairs, his mother set the plates on the table “Wash your hands.”

I sat down at the table across from Mrs. Bott “Wheres Mr. Bott?”

When she sat down she ran a hand through her mouse brown hair “He’s been stuck out a logging block, bucking the trees. He wont get home until later.”

Niko finally sat down with us to eat. It was unusually quiet at the table- for the Bott household. Most of the time the house was buzzing. They’d always bring in kids for dinner. That was part of Marco being a social butterfly. It was damn near impossible not to like him. Everything was so quiet nowadays. I toyed with the food on my plate.

Mrs. Bott must’ve noticed because she cleared her throat “Jean, sweetie, whats wrong?”

I let out a small sigh “It’s just so quiet here now. I have so many memories of you guys inviting all of the kids on the block to your house.”

She just giggled behind her hand, the sides of her eyes crinkled with a fond smile “Yes.. I very much remember that,” she paused and put her fork down “Niko can you go to my office and get the papers off my desk?”

I raise an eyebrow before I can ask her a question she began to talk “You know how Marco got his organs donated?”

I simply nod “Yeah. How could I forget?”

“Well, as of recent, we’ve got a response from one of the recipients.”

My eyes stung, threatening to water with shock “What?! Really?”

She smiled and Niko reappeared with a few papers in his hands. His mother took them from him and handed to me.

“The boy’s name is Armin Arlert. He’s from Shiganshina, in Colorado. Armin is the same age as you and he lives with his grandfather.”

I scan over the pages and read the emails. Someone did respond, finally after months. Part of my friend was still living. Mrs. Bott took our plates and let me read the papers in silence. It was back and forth about how Marco passed and who Armin was. Then, the shock of the century, Armin had received Marco’s _heart._

__How the hell did they salvage it? I knew it was donated but I didn’t believe it. At this point I lost all self control, stray tears fell down onto the papers. My jaw was left agape. I have no idea when Mrs. Bott came in but I felt her gentle hand rest on my shoulder. I was in awe.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update I'm really lazy I know. hope you Jearmin shippers enjoy. I also threw in a little sibling, I hope y'all don't mind.


	4. The Boy with my Bestfriend's Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean get's curious and starts to do some digging

Later that night when mom came to pick me up, I was smiling like an idiot.

Mom looked over to me, “You seem chipper. Nostalgia hit you like a wave?”

“Part of that,” I stop “Mom, you know how they donated Marco’s organs? Well they got a response.”

My mom slammed on the breaks in the middle of the barren street, “What!” Her head snapped to look at me, begging for an explanation.

“It’s a kid named Armin Arlert. He lives down in Colorado.”

“Oh, sweetie… That’s great news!” Mom was on the verge of tears.

I rubbed the back of my neck, “Heh, yeah.. Also, Connie keeps asking me about coming down on winter break.”

Mom gave me an extensive glare, probably wanting to snap at me for changing topics so quickly, “If you find a car to drive yourself down in.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. Whelp, I guess that was a no go unless I begged Reiner to let me barrow his pickup. Connie and Sasha would be disappointed, they’d be hounding me for ages to come visit again. It was Christmas though and I’d feel guilty to leave mom here alone for the holidays. She is a very home bound woman and prefers to stay in Trost. I could always come back early, mom was generous in the sense that she knew I didn’t have anyone here besides her.

I crawl upstairs and flop face first into my bed. What a day. Jesus, internally I felt like a mess. Something about that Armin kid made me feel curious about him. Not just because he had a piece of my best friend with him, but just the way he worded his emails appealed to me. It felt comforting, I don’t think intimate would be the right word for that. Honestly it was a weird feeling I don’t exactly know how to explain. I hadn’t felt this way- ever.

Restlessly tossing and turning in bed, I finally give up and reach for my phone. I scroll through social media feeds mindlessly. I wonder if Armin was on any social media platforms? I open InstaSpam to look up his name. Armin Arlert couldn’t be a common name, right? After a few minutes of digging through accounts I found one coming from Shiganshina, Colorado. I would bet one hundred dollars it was him. Looking through his profile I saw he’d posted a lot about seeing the ocean, his two friends Mikasa and Eren (Eren looked like a douche), and eventually I reached down to eleven months ago. 

Armin was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, it had progressed and was already bringing Armin to the edge of life or death. He was constantly in and out of hospital. Eventually I got to four months ago just after the accident, and there was a picture with Armin, Eren and Mikasa with the caption: “Just found out I’m getting a new heart after being on the list!”

Something sickening came to mind. A twinge of anger that this kid was alive because my best friend had died. All because of someone else screw up. I shouldn’t be mad, I should be happy or something but I felt frustration. Regardless of knowing this kids story.

So there I lay in bed with my thoughts tormenting me. I don’t know what possessed me at that moment but I had a thought so ludicrous. So, so stupid- but I felt like I needed it. I wanted to go see Armin, I wanted to meet him. All the way down in Colorado. Jesus Christ, I was a mess.

I don’t sleep at all. Just the idea kept me awake. What occupied me until my alarm went off, who knew? Rolling out of bed it was seven in the morning. I have and hour and a half til’ school started. I stumble down the stairs, mom was already gone for work. The house was ice cold, the furnace refused to turn on as usual. Scavenging around the house for food I settle on toast and pull out crappy whole grain bread. Crawling back up the stairs, I head back into my little domain. Scrounging around in my dresser I find a semi-decent collared shirt and a pair of my jeans that weren’t ripped. Going back down stairs I scarf down the piece of bread and go to brush my teeth. Not too long later I’m on my way out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, kinda. School is out so I'll try and write more when I'm not working

**Author's Note:**

> Whelp this is the first bit let me hear what you thought. So just some explanation pieces: This was originally written just for my friends and I. I had no intention of posting this but here I am. When this was first written I had just lost someone close to me so a lot of these emotions are of my own, so yes we have edgy Jean. As for Marco's death, um I know this kinda deal sounds ridiculous but it's actually happened (I come from a logging family). Anyways. Thank you!


End file.
